By Retrokali
I believe that being a solitary is no more or less important than being in a coven. But it seems that when you announce that you are a solitary to a group of mixed witches, there is a bit of scorn when they note your presence. Oh you are a solitary. The polite small talk lasts for a minute, then they turn back to their more…um…social friends. Solitaries are sometimes seen as the minor leaguers of the Witching World.
As someone who is MOSTLY solitary, I can’t understand this. I have been given, “the look” a multitude of times, and stare back with all the bewilderment of a confused child. Solitary to me means freedom. It means no restrains, no constraints, it means,” lay off man, this is MY religion, and I will practice it however I please”. Why the hell would you want anyone dictating your belief system? I want to scream back when I get the look that says,” You are only playing around with this stuff, but I am the real deal”. Solitaires are every much the Witch that practitioners in a coven are.
Both paths have their merit, like being married and trading freedom for a warm body at night, or being single and having all the time to do whatever you want, with loneliness as your constant companion. No one is better than the other, just what is right for another.
I have been in both, and they have their pros and cons. Being in a coven can be lovely, but it can also be a pain in the ass. On one hand you have constant input from each person, and the sense that you are all in this together. It is a bond outside of time. It is not unlike a marriage, only energetic, so that at times you acutely feel what each person is going through, whether you are there with them or not. You can see how that can suck sometimes. Inevitably there is a falling out, differing of opinion, and then you are stuck with them, wishing you’d never committed.
Of course being a solitary is the same, with the same trials, and life lessons. I adore the freedom it lends me, and don’t have to worry if High Priestess Suzy doesn’t want to do the Call of The Goddess, even though my heart is yearning for it. I can do it ten times in a row if I want. The downside is loneliness. As humans we really are social beings, especially when it comes to spirituality. We want that kindred spirit to share it with.
I have found a compromise that works for me after 13 years of trying different things on, not unlike clothing, to see if it fits. I did the coven thing, I did the intimate, work with one other witch thing, and I did the solitary thing, and found the bits and pieces, parts that felt good to me. I am thankful for all the lessons, and connections, they all enriched me. Practicing with one other person with whom I felt a major (and somewhat instant) bond with on the sabbats and some other occasions, but maintaining my status as a solitary has worked well for me. I need the companionship, I need the personal spiritual input, I need the feeling of something bigger on major sabbats (we have a killer Lammas planned). But I cherish the feeling of NOT having to share, of not having to show up with bells and whistles on, of being alone with the Goddess, of not needing words to communicate, or not needing constraints of time.
But that is just me.
I have experienced that look just a few times. I seem to run into more solitaries here, but they may be because I live in the South. Within city limits people tolerate the idea of paganism. Outside the limits though it can be dangerous, and that is where the solitaries I tend to meet are from.
I know exactly what your feeling when it comes to the lack of socialism with solitaries. I am a pretty private person when it comes to me doing my “spiritual thang” (sort of a joke with me and hubs) but every once in awhile I crave the social aspect of group work. We have a coven in the city that holds alot of public rituals so when the urge strikes me I usually go to one. The first time I did it I seriously considered the coven life. After much thought though…I realized I would just leave and that wouldn’t be fair. So here I am being solitary with a sprinkling of socialism lol.
I think you said it all perfectly.
Poor solitaries; treated as though they are somehow inferior! Like you, I have been both. I have seen the pros and cons too. We all have to find the place where we are most comfortable.
Sometimes a group feels right and sometimes we feel the need to “do our own thing”.
It is unfortunate when we find those Witchier Than Thou types who take the “my way is the only way” approach. And rather odd when one considers that Paganism is often about freedom versus dogma!
Wendy Hawksley’s been talking about..Sweet hello romance goodbyes
I know exactly what you are talking about. I have experienced both sides. With a coven there is the deep friendship that comes with the sharing of something so deeply personal. Then there is the backbitting the power struggle that seems to come to a practicing coven. When u are a solitary witch there is no debate about what the rituals will consist of. You just do what you feel is called for with no problems. I live in the north and I live close to a metaphysical church so i have the best of both worlds. When I feel the need to be social I just go to church. When I feel the need to do something more personal I perform ritual myself. But I must say I do prefer to be a solitary witch.