By Wendy L. Hawksley
Christian parents seem eager to protect their children – from homosexuality, evolution, magic, and any other concepts that run contrary to their personal beliefs. As Pagans, we may see this as silly or unnecessary. What is there to fear from these things? Likewise, we guard our children from the idea of creationism, “VegiTales”, church, and anything else remotely connected with Christianity.
Pagan and Christian parents are not quite so different as we might think. While we might differ in intensity (parents of either religion may be very tolerant or close-minded), our goals and purposes are fairly similar. We want to rear our children with a sense of right and wrong, confidence in themselves and their families, and a sense of connectedness to both the seen and unseen world.
How we rear our children – what we choose to keep out of or allow into their lives – may very well be related to our own experiences with religion. A person who grew up feeling stifled by or at odds with their childhood religion may feel the need to eliminate any traces of that faith from their child’s upbringing. They may take a hard-line stance on it, restricting their child’s spiritual upbringing to a Pagan path, with no mention of other religions.
We probably laugh at a Christian parent for this extreme (seriously, where is the harm in “Harry Potter”?). I suggest we try to recognize that this is just as likely in a Pagan household; that we not judge anyone for limiting their child’s exposure to certain facts of life or elements of society, so long as those limits are not imposed upon the rest of us (i.e. censorship, banning books, denial of equal civil rights, etc.).
Other parents may be more open to discussing religion with their children or allowing exploration of spiritual paths outside the home. Some may attend the UU to give their child a wider perspective and the church experience. For such parents, a little knowledge is a good thing, especially if their child utilizes the freedom to make individual religious decisions.
From personal experience, I can say that the children given extreme freedom are some of the most annoying. Parents on this end of the spectrum often do not bother to teach children manners or self-control (let alone ritual etiquette). They feel that “children will be children”, and that adults should let them behave in whatever way comes natural to them.
That is fine in one’s own home, but when it causes a disturbance to others, it is time to find a new place to play!
Any parent, regardless of religion, is apt to do things with which we do not agree. However, we should try to respect parental choices, not judge them. Likewise, we should not hesitate to speak up when a parent’s choice is extending beyond his or her own children to have a negative effect on the rest of us.
Thankfully, not all Christians are the “stereotypical” Christians, just like we Pagans aren’t. My daughter sang for a year in a Catholic choir (because her 2 best friends were in it). The choir leader/youth leader is an open lesbian that holds all the choir parties in the house she shares with her wife and children. Talk about NOT your stereotypical Catholic church, lol! Her 2 best friends moms are my best friends, and they completely accept and support my beliefs (as I do theirs), proof that we are all not so different, if we all just accept each others differences.
Great article!
.-= Mrs. B.´s last blog ..An E-zine for Young Pagans! =-.
Good article Wendy…as I expected from you. 😀
It is interesting to balance all these things. Years ago, before I recognized that the word ‘pagan’ described my own beliefs, I steered far clear of anything religious.
In more recent years I’ve ‘softened’ and grown a humor-bone. I’m more capable of laughing-off those things I disagree with, or walking away, or using my delete button.
Extremists of all varieties are what I avoid these days. Balance in all things seems to be the most healthy and sustainable path.
.-= Mary´s last blog ..thrifting =-.
Thank you both! I think it is funny how similar we can be to people of other religions, if only we stop and take a look. It is easier for some people, and a little more difficult for others.
.-= Wendy Hawksley´s last blog ..The Rhythm is Gonna Get Ya! =-.
I live in tiny town America. There are more churches than there are houses here. It is not safe to be an out pagan here but you learn to live with it. My daughter was stoned two years ago on a play ground for wanting to pretend to be a fairy. Of course no one saw it happen and it took a while to heal the bruises, but it was a huge lesson for my daughter about safety and imagination. My family is committed to non-violence and when your kid gets hit with rocks it makes you want to blow up something. I was really ready to pick up a club but I did not want it to negatively affect my child at school. So I aksed her how she wanted to handle the mess. My daughter said that she wanted to set those folks free. For her that meant everyday making a list of the children and teachers who did not have an imagination or wanted to hurt people who did not believe like them and she asked that they be set free. That is all she said. Well two years later my daughter has many friends and the teachers do not turn a blind eye to violence in their school. Maiden’s Power in Truth.
.-= Mae Moons´s last blog ..Being the Wand =-.
Your daughter is very intelligent, but of course you don’t need me to state the obvious. I love her idea to ask that people with harmful intentions be “set free”. I am glad to know that she was able to effect a reshaping of the Universe in a positive way!
.-= Wendy Hawksley´s last blog ..The Rhythm is Gonna Get Ya! =-.
Mae Moons, do you live in the South? I ask because I’ve driven along places in the “Bible Belt” where it seems there are three churches on every block in town!! And your daughter sounds like a brilliant young girl! (I DO believe in fairies!!)
Great article, Wendy!
As a substitute teacher who sees children of all ages, I am constantly appalled at the limitations upon the group due to the requests of individuals. Instead of removing a child from school for one day because the class is studying Halloween and having a costume party, parents protest to the school board and the parties are canceled. In Maine right now the debate is on about gay marriage, as the question will be on the ballot in Nov. The ads against gay marriage are disturbing and hurtful, and so far removed from the actual issue. You are absolutely right about personal decisions affecting people other than oneself.